Carlson

By John Carlson— It started with a single stink bug. I’m referring, of course, to the stark realization of my temporary bachelorhood. Within a minute of our encounter, I had christened my new little buddy Stinky. In my heightened state of loneliness, apathy and depression, sitting there at my desk as Stinky made his perilous way across the windowpane before me, I somehow took comfort in his presence as another living being marooned in an uncaring universe. Then the truth…

By John Carlson— So I’m making one of my rare visits to The Fickle Peach when my pal Willow tosses me what looks like a pack of microwaveable popcorn. “Thanks,” I say. I don’t say it very sincerely, though, wishing he’d tossed me a bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken instead. But then I glance at the package a second time, my eyes locking on the word “chicharrones,” and say “Thanks!” again. This time, however, tears of gratitude are cascading down…

By John Carlson— “Road trip!” If you remember, that was the clarion call which sent the guys of Delta Tau Chi en route to some comedic mayhem in the movie “Animal House.” A similar need to hit the road recently sent Nancy,  Jersey the Wonder Dog, and me on our way to Shenandoah National Park’s Skyline Drive, motoring along the crest of the Blue Ridge Mountains. This whimsical journey proved educational, mostly in a good way. It was “mostly” because…

By John Carlson— My first thought was, “Dang it all,” or words to that effect. That’s because having just returned from the drug store bearing a copy of “The Old Farmer’s 2022 Almanac,” I flipped to the weather section and read how more snow than normal was expected this winter. But I also brought home the “Harris’ Farmer’s Almanac for the year of our Lord 2022.” It predicted snowfall would be near normal or even a little below normal, so…

By John Carlson— First came “The Mummy’s Ghost.” At the time I didn’t realize it, but for me that movie made Halloween the addictively exciting event so many of us enjoy. A horror genre classic shot in black-and-white and starring the legendary Lon Chaney, “The Mummy’s Ghost” was playing on my buddy Kenny’s TV one crisp October night. Or should I say, the end of the movie was playing on Kenny’s TV one crisp October night? But the movie had…

By John Carlson— A guy knows he’s reached those “golden years” when his wife says he should sell his motorcycle, and for the very first time, he doesn’t joke that he’d rather be dead. I’ve owned motorcycles for forty-six years. But since turning sixty-five, spinal surgeries have prevented me from enjoying my beloved Harley-Davidson as it is intended. A sweet-looking 1200 cc Sportster Sport, it has been resting under a sheet for a long time. Now Nancy wants to do…

By John Carlson— Every now and then, when you think 2021’s troubles with the pandemic, raging forest fires and global warming have become too much to bear, you encounter a story that makes you count your blessings. So, did you read about the 2,700-year-old toilet? I did. Ever since then I’ve felt pretty good about living now. Back in Israel 2,700 years ago, only the richest of the rich could afford toilets. This fact was supported by a recent archeological…

By John Carlson— Since Nancy recently turned seventy-two and I just turned seventy-one, we were looking for the perfect age-appropriate gifts for each other’s birthday, and found them. Rocking chairs! A rocking chair was probably a lot better gift for me than for her, though. That’s because to use one, you have to sit down, which Nancy does approximately seven minutes per day. But it being a well known fact that opposites attract, I normally sit for approximately seven minutes…

By John Carlson— September was Fall Prevention Month, which I celebrated by not falling. Nancy is a real stickler about this, always warning me not to fall, not that I usually have much choice in the matter. Her reasoning is, it’s a short trip from sprawling on the deck at the back of your house to drooling on your jammies in a nursing home. Having once spent three weeks in a nursing home recovering from spinal surgery, I don’t particularly…