Carlson

By: John Carlson— The other day, Nancy was looking at our church friend James Thompson’s Facebook page when I heard her coo, “Awww. Look at that. How cute!” OK, that’s not entirely accurate. What she actually cooed was “AAACCCKKK!!! Look at THAT!!! We’re all gonna DIE!!!” This is because she was staring, transfixed, at a picture of James’ smiling daughter Rachel holding a stick, and hanging from the tip of that stick was a big snake. Specifically, this was a…

By: John Carlson— As a lifelong civilian, I have been getting ready for my typical Memorial Day, 2019. Taking advantage of Nancy’s week-long absence on a church mission trip down South, I selflessly – some might even suggest, heroically – tried out brand new grocery items at great personal risk to my fragile taste buds. This was all to discover which were best suited to making Memorial Day a culinary   triumph. First to be confronted was the vexing issue of…

By: John Carlson— Burt Bacharach did not write “Satisfaction.” After all, you may have noticed the Rolling Stones’ mega-hit repeatedly includes the refrain, “I can’t get no…” Bacharach would never have employed – some might say, stooped to – such poor grammar in his lyrics. It’s also a safe bet he didn’t write stuff like The Mothers of Invention’s “Hungry Freaks, Daddy” or Iron Butterfly’s “In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida,” or thousands upon thousands of other memorable songs the young folks of my generation…

By: John Carlson– An amazing amount of beauty can be packed into a tiny backyard garden, but the same goes for drama, confusion and opportunities for education. Drama? Our dog Toby was about to eat a wasp in ours the other day, before I shooed it away at the last second. Confusion? An apparent slow learner, Toby did  eat a wasp last year. Not one to back down from a fight just because he was being devoured, that wasp registered…

By: John Carlson— One quick glance at our kitchen counter and it became obvious: I was in deep doo-doo. See, I was on a diet. It seems I am always on a diet. But sitting there under a clear plastic cover was two-thirds of a Concannon’s Bakery carrot cake. Nancy had bought the cake that morning to feed the literarily-fertile ladies of her female book club, Women Of Mystery Books, aka WOMB. The point is, suddenly my diet seemed doomed,…

By: John Carlson— In my younger years, I was never much of a napper. As far back as kindergarten, I have vague memories of being in class as our matronly teacher, Miss Alexander, passed out our milk cartons and graham crackers, and I’d think, “Yo! Sweet, toots!” Well, way back then I probably didn’t actually think of Miss Alexander as “toots.” Probably I thought  something more like, “Ooh, goody gumdrops!” But as enthusiastic as I was about milk-and-cracker time, I…

By: John Carlson— History books teach us when our Founding Fathers were considering the animal to best symbolize the United States of America, Benjamin Franklin recommended the turkey. OK. Good enough, Ben. You could have picked worse. I have a soft spot for turkeys myself. Granted, it’s especially true when they are baked and sliced, with the slices piled between two pieces of rye bread generously slathered with mayonnaise. Still, it’s hard to imagine anyone thinking our forefathers erred in…

By: John Carlson— When superstar English clothing designer Karl Lagerfeld died recently, he left an estate worth one-hundred-fifty million pounds … … to his cat. Hearing this, I was so flummoxed I could barely think straight. I would NEVER do anything that stupid! This is mostly because I am not what you would call “a cat person.”  Also, I am not what you would call “a person who has any money.” But what if somebody else left one-hundred-fifty million pounds…

By: John Carlson— If it’s possible for a man to passionately love a place – and I think it is – then except for my own home and every White Castle in America, I love the Indianapolis Motor Speedway most. As an IndyCar racing fan, for me it’s Mecca, especially as the month of May approaches. It’s not like I’ve been to a lot of Indy 500s. I’ve been to maybe ten. And I probably haven’t always been what Speedway marketers…