Carlson

John Carlson: Snoring Raises a Ruckus

By: John Carlson— There aren’t many physical activities I’m really good at, but one of them is definitely snoring. In noting this, I am not tooting my own horn, forgive the pun. Based on my personal knowledge, I would say I am lousy at snoring, a guy who peacefully slips off to Nappyland every night without making a peep. It’s my wife, Nan, who told me I am great at snoring. Well, she never actually “told” me so. What happened…

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John Carlson: They’re a Juicy Little Taste Treat

By: John Carlson— You know, when dinnertime rolls around, nothing “hits the spot” like some delicious snails. I didn’t always feel this way, though. Like, take way back before my culinary awakening to snails  – meaning two whole weeks ago. At that time, my opinion of eating snails was best represented by Steve Martin’s confrontation with the waiter in his movie “The Jerk.” He and Bernadette Peters are dining in a fancy restaurant. Then he spots something disgusting. “Waiter!” he…


John Carlson: Rental Car Teaches Humility

By: John Carlson— Once upon a time I had a sweet ride. And I do mean ride. This started off as one of those bad news/good news/bad news things. Having recently flown into Clearwater, FL, for vacation, Nan went to where our car rental place had reserved us a vehicle, only to learn they hadn’t reserved us a vehicle and, furthermore, had no vehicles available. “Well, shoot!” I exclaimed, or words to that effect. But it being late and we…


John Carlson: Shark Phobia Isn’t Fishy

By: John Carlson— Our annual vacation to the Gulf of Mexico is coming up, so naturally I’m getting a trifle twitchy. You see, the gulf has – there’s no easy way to put this  – sharks. I never used to think much about sharks before we started vacationing on beaches adjoining large bodies of salt water. My standard joke was I wouldn’t bother them in the ocean if they didn’t bother me while driving through Clancy’s Car Wash. This always…


John Carlson: Bugs are Creating a Stink

By: John Carlson— Stinkbugs. They’re not just in Muncie anymore. Please forgive my riff on the old TV commercial touting, “Orange juice. It’s not just for breakfast anymore.” But some recent Facebook traffic leads me to believe that stinkbugs are now as ubiquitous as America’s favorite fruit drink. This came as a shock to me. See, there was a time when we had so many stinkbugs around here, I figured my neighborhood was the Western Hemisphere’s center of stinkbug reproduction….


John Carlson: Cloudy days? Excellent!

By: John Carlson— Clouds? You gotta love ‘em. I love watching them form and drift and, alas, dissipate. And who doesn’t love how they dress up the sky during a spectacular sunset? What’s more, I’m told the same glorious thing sometimes occurs at sunrise, though being retired now, I wouldn’t know from personal experience. Cloudless skies, in turn, bore me. Recently I took my love of clouds to a new level by joining The Cloud Appreciation Society, which is a…


John Carlson: Lifting weights? One’ll Do

By: John Carlson— I am a weightlifter. Literally. By this, I mean I lift a single weight. One. Eins. Uno. This lonely barbell came into my possession Christmas morning, courtesy of my wife, Nan. But while it is only a 10-pounder, it was far and away my biggest gift, both in terms of weight and life-changing potential. Along with a certain book of poetry, I asked for this barbell, which means I am getting old. Were I younger and more…


John Carlson: A Tip of the Hat to Hats

By: John Carlson— I’ve recently inherited two hats. One is a classic fedora, the type that as a little boy I called a “daddy hat.” That’s because back in the day, it was the kind my father wore to funerals, dental appointments and similar somber gatherings. The other is a snazzier golf-style hat, or cap, that rides atop one’s head like a black-leather cheese wedge. It’s the sort of hat Dad would wear to our favorite burger joint, Baptist root-beer…


John Carlson: Time for Ban on Raccoons

By: John Carlson— I don’t believe in ghosts, much, but I do believe in raccoons. If I ever doubted raccoons exist – which, of course, I didn’t – proof of them has become irrefutable of late, since a whole family of the pesky varmints has apparently moved under our house. It all started with an occasional bump in the night. “What’s that?” Nan would ask. Naturally, being a world-class chicken, my first thought would be that somebody built our house…


John Carlson: Great Flicks? Here Ya Go!

By: John Carlson— Academy Awards time, also known as Oscar Night, is nearing, so I decided to offer my thoughts on movies. Of the Best Picture nominees, Nan and I have seen two, “Manchester by the Sea” and “La La Land.” Both of us loved the former, but were divided on the latter. Oddly enough, I liked it more than she did, even though it is full of girly stuff like romance, joyful music and happy dancing. Why did I…